Defense Mechanisms are SURVIVAL
Defense mechanisms are a normal part of everyday life. Think of them as coping mechanisms/skills/tools. Some individuals view defense mechanisms as character defects or flawed personality traits. I think they are a GIFT!
Hear me out:
Defenses are learned over time. Small babies who are never attended to when they cry learn overtime to stop crying and disengage from others. Young children learn who they can go to when they want something. Older children learn how to push back against “authority”. By the time we are adults, we have had an unknown amount of interactions that may or may not have triggered our fight/flight/freeze/fawn response.
Defense mechanisms are anything that protects a person from unpleasant feelings such as guilt, shame, anger, depression, anxiety, and rejection. They generally operate unconsciously, meaning that when they are working the person is usually unaware of them. They are self-esteem protectors that we learn, and all people use them at different times. WE ARE WIRED TO SURVIVE. Defense mechanisms = SURVIVAL. A GIFT! Right? At the very least, can we agree they are HELPFUL in specific situations?
Unfortunately, defense mechanisms can become a problem. When someone decides their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are no longer working for them (when they help people lie to themselves, for example) the work to make changes must begin!
So, how do I suggest someone does that? You could start by identifying which defense mechanism(s) have become unhelpful in your life. Some common defenses are:
Denial: When someone uses denial, they simply screen out things they do not like. For example, ignoring criticism, or refusing to talk about unpleasant things such as our out of control eating habits, or becoming involved in an activity to avoid problems.
Fantasy: When someone uses fantasy, they typically avoid problems or unpleasantness in their life by daydreaming or fantasizing solutions to their problems that are highly unlikely to occur. For example, a person who wants to get control of their health may daydream or fantasize about losing the weight and improving their health without having to make lifestyle changes. They may dream of waking up and being “thin, healthy, and attractive”.
Rationalization: This is a very common type of defense mechanism. Rationalization occurs every time a person justifies their behavior to avoid responsibility for their actions. For example, “I had to eat all the fruit in the fridge because it was going to rot if I didn’t”.
Blaming: When a person blames others for their problems, they can avoid taking responsibility and the consequences that come with personal accountability. An example would be saying, "I'd have a better marriage if my wife/husband tried harder. And if I had a better marriage, I wouldn’t use food to make me feel better.”
Displacement: This defense involves directing feelings received from one person or object to a different person or object. For example, if you get yelled at by the boss on the job and come home to take your anger and pain out on your family and with food because you are unwilling or unable to vent your anger directly at the boss, this is displacement.
Intellectualization: Intellectualizing is when a person analyzes problems or unpleasant situations in a purely logical manner without including any feelings. It feels very cerebral or clinical to those around them. In this way, feelings are avoided, and pride remains intact. An example of this is when you may think, “I was triggered by my husband and my fight/flight kicked in. I had no choice but to take care of myself, all the professionals say so” instead of talking about how you felt in the situation.
Identification: This defense is used when a person avoids negative feelings by associating with a person or group who allows them to feel better about themself. An example is a person who avoids feelings of inferiority by identifying with an association, group, church, club, employer because it makes them feel important.
Acting out hostility: This defense works to reduce tension and fear from dangerous desires by allowing them to come out. Becoming angry or irritable is a way to avoid issues because it backs people off. See my post on Anger Myths!
Minimization: This is a very common defense mechanism people use to take away the importance or seriousness of an unpleasant or painful situation. An example is whenever a person does something to hurt someone and says, "I really didn't hurt you that bad. You’re overreacting!" This also shows up when people tell you how to feel about persons, places, things, situations, experiences, etc.
Justification: This defense is used whenever a person uses reasoning to make illegitimate activities okay in their own mind. An example would be saying, "I had to cheat on my food plan, or I would have lost money on the groceries that would go to waste."
SO, do you see why I view defenses as GIFTS? They show up when we are in some tough situations and help us get out of them with our pride/egos intact. In and of itself, this is IDEAL! BUT when you start to notice these coping mechanisms are no longer working for you…they are no longer as helpful as they had once been…something must change. Growth and change are painful, but nothing is as painful as staying stuck where you no longer belong. Let me know how I can support you on your journey to learning NEW coping mechanisms.