Food Addiction is a Family Affair
Food addiction is a family affair.
Ultra-processed and processed foods often make up the main staples of what the average family consumes. Pizza, candy, soft drinks, cookies, breakfast cereals, packaged soups, hotdogs, chicken nuggets, fries and more. I get it. Pizza, tacos, cheeseburgers with fries, a pasta dish, and a casserole were the weekly routine in my household. Easy, convenient. Don’t have to put too much thought into it. Prepared or ready relatively quickly.
Processed foods like cheese, bread, canned tuna, and canned beans often filled in the gaps. A sandwich and chips for lunch, tuna salad, and some hardboiled eggs. Beans with the burgers. NORMAL, but the HEALTHIEST for me? A processed food addict? A sugar addict? A carboholic?
Something had to change, and it had to start with me. The “identifiable patient” or “carboholic”. Working within this framework- it would be easy to put the onus on the person with the brain disease to get better on their own. But would you look at it the same way if it were diabetes or cancer? Would you tell your family member to make different choices while you continue to make similar ones to what was making them sick? Or would you rally and support them? Eating, instead, fresh seasonal fruits and vegetables, protein, and healthy fats instead of the “drug foods” like goldfish crackers, take-n-bake pizza, alcoholic beverages?
The key to success for anyone recovering from addiction, mental illness, or physical illness is the quality of support they have. Family members who adjust when/how they eat in support of a food addict are role-modeling healthy behavior to the most vulnerable amongst them. Eating at designated meal times, no snacking, not indulging in identified “drug foods” or offering them, honoring when the kitchen is “closed”, being willing to pack meals for the road vs. using drive-thrus, muting food commercials or changing any programming that is heavily food cued, etc.
How does this shake out as a “Family Affair”? Each member has a role or multiple roles within the family. In a family with illness, whether it is an addiction, mental illness, or physical illness our roles form out of adaptability, flexibility, and the primal drive to survive. They are a set of coping skills. Unfortunately, these skills and, the resulting behaviors, can become dysfunctional and sick in time.
Do you recognize these roles in your family system? Who plays what? Does it change depending on the situation?
ENABLER: This person is usually close to the person who is sick. The enabler often allows the sick person to continue destructive behavior and provides them support as they spiral downward. With food addiction, it may look like someone who continues to bring food to a person who is bed-ridden or is unwilling to leave the home to get food for themselves. This may also look like a food pusher- “eat or you will starve”, “I made this because it’s your favorite”, “You always feel better after this ‘soul/comfort’ food”. The enabler role keeps people sick and contributes to their illness decompensating further.
HERO: This person may be the oldest in the family. They are successful and are believed to “have it together”. This person may be involved in many activities (social networking, volunteering, fundraising, high-stress career) but struggles internally. This person may do everything they can to get good grades in school, try to prepare healthy meals for the household (but is most likely rejected), takes over parenting duties (if the parent is the person with the illness), and is both tasked with and rejected for taking charge in the chaos.
SCAPEGOAT: This person is the focus of attention in the family for trouble. They may appear to not care about the consequences. This person catches all the frustration, anger, and rage from all others in the family. Their outward, less-than-helpful behavior is easy to give attention too. It may be outright brazen and boldly naughty. They may get yelled at, grounded, told they are a disappointment. We may shame them repeatedly to control them. Often, this is a direct result of the sick person’s mood fluctuations and/or anxiety that comes with the use of the “drug foods”. The SCAPEGOAT may seek connection with a group that accepts them for who they are or who may allow them to continue the negative behavior but praise them for it (gangs, “the wrong crowd”, substance abuse/high-risk behavior).
LOST CHILD: This role is often occupied by the quiet child. They may refrain from talking or participating in family discourse to stay out of trouble. Think of this role as the “out of sight, out of mind” phenomenon. This person may stay away from the house as often as possible or may shut themselves up in their room. They may take on problems themselves and may not ask for much-needed help. They may isolate to an extreme, develop anxiety/depression, or be at high-risk for suicide.
MASCOT: This role is often taken up by the youngest child. The family may try to protect this member from the reality of issues within the group. They may be sheltered and remember events and relationships very differently from the other roles. This person may be a jokester and will do what they can to smooth conflict. Unlike with the SCAPEGOAT, the MASCOT’S behavior is quickly forgiven or seen as cute, funny, or endearing. This may create resentment amongst the other roles who are met with negativity for their coping skills.