The 40% PART THREE

To pick up where we left off, the characteristics we talked about HERE, show up in a plethora of ways in our personalities, behaviors, and lives. We spent week one covering THESE and week two we covered SEVERAL MORE. Week three means 5 more roles we take on to avoid pain and increase pleasure in our lives. The 40% continues below:

The People Pleaser: We do it all for the “good of others” with little regard for ourselves. We demonstrate we are “selfless”, even though many times our motives are selfish. Living this role keeps us stuck in anger, resentment, and self-pity. We smile through our pain. The Truth is: our fear of rejection causes us to constantly seek approval from everyone. The end of the game is when we realize we cannot make everyone happy or when others tire or our wishy-washy attitudes.

The Rebel: I must get my way or else. Rules are for other people. If you tell me not to do something, you are challenging me to do it. The Truth is: we “rebels” usually get the consequences or punishment we deserve or ask for. The end of the game is when we weary of paying the price the outlaw must pay and abandon this behavior.

The Martyr: I deserve to suffer. I do not count. Nobody understands. Poor me. I see your pity as an expression of love and acceptance. This role ties together with The Caretaker.

The Caretaker: We live to take care of others, all with good intentions; however, our intentions are often somewhat misguided. We are willing to compromise our wants and needs as though the wants and needs of others are more important. The Truth is: We confuse love with pity and believe sacrificing ourselves will protect us from abandonment. The end of the game is when we get tired of suffering and realize we deserve better.

The Dropout: If you do not play the game my way, then I will not play the game at all. The Truth is: Paralyzed by fear of failure and rejection, we attempt nothing and feel the world owes us. We are so discouraged and pessimistic, we give up before we even start. The end of the game comes when others get tired of providing a free ride.

For more on the core beliefs that these roles originate from and how to address them – be sure to follow me on Instagram @mollypainschab. I have been saving the stories under “40%” and go into more detail as to how you can get started working on making the changes you want for your life.